call me crazy

"Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth. As Martin Luther puts it, "There are two days on the calendar: this day and that day" - Francis Chan: Crazy Love

i am about to embark a new chapter in my life. something that i never thought i would do or be able to do for that matter. beyond being overcome with emotion, i am extremely thankful for the blessing that has been unraveling right before my eyes. this is only because of god.

since march, i have been trying to get myself into staging (interning) at a bakery of some sorts. i got close to some and not close to many. frankly, i wasn't surprised. i had no pastry school experience yet alone any experience in a kitchen. taking me on would be a risk for many of them and then there were time where i was just pass on because someone better qualified came along. i knew in my heart, that yes i may not be "qualified" but i would give it my all like i have done in all my jobs.

all the jobs, i have ever received had all been from god. each job i get gets better and better. because of my work ethic and hard work, i have been able to get the jobs and move to better ones without an 4 year degree. i don't brag about not finishing college and still getting jobs that may need that, the glory has always been given to god because i can do only so much, only god can open the door for me to walk through.

so after months of searching and emailing, my friend emails me a link to a pastry interning position at a restaurant. when i found out that the restaurant was a michelin star restaurant, i immediately said no to it because "what would a restaurant like that want to do with someone like me?". my friend said that i should apply anyway. i did with a very pathetic cover letter basically saying i do not have any schooling and i have not worked in a kitchen but if you are crazy enough to want me, i love to bake and here are photos of what i have done. that was it, i sent it off and really never even banked on them calling me back. i just threw my penny in that big well and moved on looking for more opportunities.

a week later i get an email from the chef asking me to come in the next day for an interview. i didn't know what to think other than "what?!". the day of the interview, i sat in my car for 5 minutes and was not sure how to do this interview. i had nothing to offer and no experience to really talk about. then i stood outside the little cute restaurant and just prayed, "god, this is all you if i make it out here with an opportunity to be a part of this."

the interview was with both chef and pastry chef explaining to me how i do not have any experience and how that would be hard. as they kept talking, i felt as if the decision was a no. i told them, "i totally understand, why this may not be ideal for you, but i am willing to learn and if you have time i would love to be here." and all of a sudden the chef said, "i became who i am because someone took a chance on me. if you give us your time, you will never need to go to pastry school. we will teach you everything we know." then i was asked to come in the saturday to stage. then end of that night they offered me the internship.

during my time staging, i debated if i should tell them i had a kid. if something happened to ezra while i am there, i wouldn't want things to be weird. i had this fear that it might change things because the time was so demanding, but i heard god so clearly telling me to tell them. i did and it was the best thing ever. they were so accommodating because i have a son and they are willing to work with me and wanted me on working whatever days i wanted! for the first time in along time, i felt valued in my workplace and they made me feel like i had something they wanted and they were willing to take me on and accommodate me when in this industry, you do whatever you can to be in a place like this.

i never intended to quit my job and pursue this. i always thought that i would do something like this while working. i never thought i was able to just leave my job to pursue what i love to do. so when this came up, billy knew that this opportunity was too good to pass up and actually encouraged me to give up my job for up to a year. so i quit my job and will be interning part time as a pastry assistant and being a part time mama.

it has been a blessing that i will share forever. i don't bank on being some amazing baker after this, i do have dreams of opening up something that will be a blessing to many but i do bank on god leading me to awesome and amazing things because of this step of faith. i believe that my dreams and desires will come to life one day and this is the step i need to take in order to move towards that. i have worked since i was 15 and not just worked but worked hard. i never thought i would have the opportunity to do what i love but more importantly as i pray and listen, i get really excited to see how what i will be doing will be a blessing to other people. my heart of baking as well as social justice is coming to life. i just need to trust and follow.

it's funny how many people think that having a baby keeps you from pursuing your dreams. if anything, having ezra has made me want to pursue them more. how can i ever tell him to pursue his if i never pursued mine? how can i tell him to do crazy things for god, if i never did them myself? we always knew that when we had a baby that we would have him join us on our journey not stop it.

there will be struggles and there will be times when fear will try to overcome me, but i know that just means i need to set my eyes on jesus and he will continue to get me through it all, like he always has.

i have been blessed with friends and family who have been so supportive. even all my co-workers were really excited! i couldn't have walked this journey without them.

so here is to the beginning of living crazy and i am so excited.

p.s. on top of that pursuing things... i finished my first 5k marathon! not big for some of y'all but really big for me :)