I have been thinking about it for weeks and I finally got the nerve to go through my dad's things. I really thought that I would be OK because I have somewhat prepped myself for this. I started to go back into my dad's room frequently on a daily basis. It started with once a week to once a day to a few times a day. So I decided last week that I would do it today and all week I have been thinking about it.
So I started today and realized that the heart is still hurting. Going through the things that my dad saved like our school awards and pictures.. letters that I wrote or things that remind him of us.. I started tearing up. You can't help but to think stuff like "did he really know I loved him" and things like.. "I should have .." fill in the blanks.
Then things like sight, smell and touch came into play and I sat on the floor with my dad's shirt in on hand and the comforter he used in the other and started to cry. I thought about all the things that my dad kept looks like junk to people from the outside but sentimental to him for whatever reason. That is where I get that from. I am pretty sentimental myself and as you can see to throw anything of my dad's right now has been difficult.
Does it get easier? I guess I am on my journey to find that out.
It's ok to take your time, breathe. One thing we really regretted doing when Elton's mom passed away was that we cleaned out all her stuff while his dad was out on a trip after the funeral. He came home and was really sad that all her things were gone. I don't think he had time to slowly let go of her things. So don't be afraid to take your time.
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